I'm Sad

I'm sad . This will be my first post since the year 2006 kicked off . With an awesome start , indeed .

I don't mean to feel sorry and miserable but hey .. sometimes i just need to vent out my feelings though at times i felt like taking a piece of paper and jot it down instead . But anyway , resorted to typing coz it's much faster and easier . That's what lazy ppl do .

I'm sad . Just 2 words . For many reasons ... i don't know why But i'm jjust sad . Mixed up with too many things that happened lately i guess . After reading this post you might want to think i'm a person who's too free tha i've got nothing else to do but think of all these emotions that made me sad . But heck cares , because its my emotions talking . I only want no one else but God to know . So if u want to read go on , otherwise do feel free to browse other pages . THanks .

ANyway , i'm sad because i failed my Fundamentals 5 exam . Unexpectedly bad ... My emotions were fine until i allowed my fickle mindedness to play with my thoughts . Once again i contemplate on whether to major in music or just go on study something "else" and get my degree and get a steady job . What's a degree and a steady job anyway ? A job with fixed income and working hours from 9-5pm ? I do'nt know , it's so subjective . Then until my teacher , Mr Phua came to the rescue . He gave me words of encouragement and even tried hard to find means and ways to help me (won't tell in details) though trying very hard to swallow my bitter results as my mentor . Honestly i was fine until his encouraging sms came . I cried while driving home from Kajang . Yup , i THOUGHT i was fine ... Anyway , the great news was that i could still start school in Yamaha next month and though i have to go through Foundation i don't care .. if i'm not good i jsut have to be where i need to be . And an even better news is that i still can re-take this exam and look forward to passing it coz FAILing is just temporary . THanks teacher!

I'm also sad because i won't be learning from my dearest teacher anymore starting next month . That's why i am actually counting down to the last few weeks i have learning from him . I will trully miss the learning experience i had with him , the lame jokes we share , the gossip we talk about others , the knowledge about other things we share , and most of all the charisma and dedication he showed all the time . Where to find someone like this ? Only God can send one .. THank you Jesus for sending him into my life ! He impacted my world! Well i'm even more sad when for the past few years after being a Christian i couldn't find an opportunity to share the gospel to him even once . I just couldn't have the courage to open my mouth to talk about it , but we did talk about death , life , and other teeny things related to God . But i never dare open my mouth to share with him . I just didn't know how , too afraid of what his reaction would be , too afraid of rejection . But my prayers will always be with him , hoping someday i'll meet him in heaven . Hoping along the way someone would share with gospel with him . Auf Wiedersehn Ah Phua! P ; S thanks for the whopper jr , it was nice of u!

I'm also sad because London Lady left for Japan today ... i mean , just 2 hours ago . She boarded the plane . Not that i won't see her again , coz she's only off for 4 days anyway . It's been such a long time since i met her ... since christmas . And since 2006 started she's been busy attending NJXC seminars and teaching crazily . Haven't had time to entertain me . But we did keep in touch just lately ... i don't know why but suddenly miss her a lot . Only managed to catch up a bit last night... Have a great trip there girl , and will look forward to hear about ur trip there when u're back!

I'm sad because i'm starting school next month . In a couple of weeks time . I dislike going through the process of starting school again . I don't know why , suddenly i felt fed up of meeting the people of the school to ask questions about school tuition fee , government loan , school hours , courses etc when nothign seems to be permanent . After the ICOM experience i get a little goosebumps now thinking about these things . I'm excited about studying there , but i'm even more sad thinking that after failing my exam i realised i'm not anyone great and i have to work thousand times harder than anyone normal to try to pass any exam . Talking about distinctions ... HA-HA... sigh .. i'm not a sore loser , no ... i'm just a bit sad . I guess the route i chose isn't that easy after all ., I have to admit , i can only plan this much but God brings the outcome and directs our paths . So yeah , there must a purpose for all these . I'm looking forward to it .

I'm even more sad that despite my failure , there are people willing to lend their hands and help me . There are people willing to try means and ways to help me get through Foundation if i don't want to and go to Diploma if i do well in my entrance audition to Yamaha . Great news ? It could be , but my pride tells me i'm only depending on others . That's what pride can do . Bring you down , real low so the devil can attack you . Anyway , it's just a thought but i won't let the devil bring me down . I'll just play by the ear and listen only to God . ALONE .. thanks by the way!

I'm sad also because i have tonnes of friends but neither one cares to really care for me when i really need them . Sometimes i wonder why most of my friends are like that . Old or new ... Everyone just comes to you and talk about themselves ... except for Janet of course .. you're such an angel! I'm sad with the fact that i tried my nerves our trying to gather everyone to meet and keep in touch but in the end everyone couldn't make it due to own live arrangements . Sigh talking about how we part our ways after school . Life goes on i guess ... u're right zk . Life goes on ... People come , people go .. but footsteps remain i guess . So yeah ... what ever .. i'm just sad . It was over anyway .... doesn't matter la .

In conclusion , i'm just sad . Though i appreciate every single part of my life , for the resources and love i receive each day ... i could not Thank HIm more ... but sometimes we just tend to feel mixed up a bit over many things . That's what makes life intersting i guess . The beauty of emotions and thoughts.

Anyway , just learnt seomthing from becky . We are talking now over msn , and she was telling me about studying eng lit as her major after A-levels . She said the whole point of studying eng lit is because it's challenging . Otherwise there's no point studying it if it's easy. Thanks bex , you reminded me very well . So what if music is challenging ? I like it then can la . Big deal ... nothing is too hard for the creation of God . Yes ! That's it !Dare to fail and take challenges is what i should do . Hah .. then i shouldn't have crap so much up there . Anyway , people do get lost sometimes and through many things God can speak to you again . So thank u Jesus!! =)

I will not disappoint you again God! Not even you, though i won't be seeing you probably anymore after this month! I shall never say things about my doubt of future anymore . Goodnight ...