Happenings

Greetings ladies and gentlemen ... I guess it's been quite awhile since i posted on my blog again.Do receive my apology but anywya , nobody reads my blog so who am i apologizing to? hahaha

In the midst of waiting for my stupid Jaring to get connected (which took me alread almost 20min!) i decided to write in the Notepad and paste it later on my blog .
I just realised that when things are going quite well i hardly post , and in order to vent outmy frustration or negative thoughts this is where i pin it down . How selfish huh ? Our church is going through this 40 days Rick Warren Community thingey and we are kinda encouraged to readhis book . Though i didn't buy it , but i read a little bit from Eric ko-ko's book and the secondday of devotion says about L.O.V.E .

IT's about selfishness , thoughts , unconditionality and i find myself so selfish ... how can i love my neighbour when i love myself too much ? This makes me wonder .. i guess the only personi really can say i share a love like unconditionally is towards someone that means a lot to me.God did place this person in my heart but no, of course not my boyfriend , soon to be husband or my partner coz i don't even have one at the moment . No plans yet . Just talking about the kindof friendship love , sister love , Christ kind of love that you would just do anything to seethat person happy . In my case , see that person for eternity in Heaven!!

The description above sounds too romantic huh .... anyway i don't know if anyone else on earthunderstands this feeling except my dearest aunt in Aus now... Yup Hooi , talking about you who shares the same thoughts and expression towards someone like me now. Though we;re miles apartbut it's surprising how God can make the 2 of us feel the same towards a friend at the same time!

I guess i've never felt like this towards someone . God asks us to reach out to as many as we can , but in my nearly 4 years of Christian life i really have to ponder hard upon the questionPs Leslie gave us last Sun in church .

How many ppl because of you are going to heaven or in heaven now?

I really have only 1 answer : None

But i somehow relate this question to my above few paragraphs because i have a target and i told God no matter how challenging the process is going to be , i would not give up! Yup thosefriendship love is towards this same person with this reason behind it . Of course my sincerityare pure and i'll never cheat on her . Do you understand what i'm trying to say? I believe thatGod has placed us to meet and it was for a purpose because right from the beginning of our close friendship i had ths very strong feeling and burden to want to get her saved. I want to see her in heaven . There are of course , many others in my list but i don't know why even nowshe is no 1 in my list .

Of course it's taken almost most of my courage to open my mouth to invite her to church , preacha bit of gospel to her , and the midst of this all , encourage her ,support her in her work , life and continue to pray for her . I've been doing this so far , and i praise God we've managedto keep a very healthy and close friendship . Though she's 4 yrs older than me , i don't give a heck!
I want to blog about this because i want to vent my very first disappointment . Towards who i thinki'm confused . More towards God i guess . It started like this ...
Last week she rang me to ask me to go to this Electone Stagea (new organ by Yamaha) workshop by Max Takano a Japanese famous Electone player who released loads of books and CDs in the last 20yrs ... He's coming to Msia for a concert this Sun and held a Stagea workshop today . Coz of herpursuasion i decided to go for today's workshop but was hesitent about the concert on Sun coz i needed to take leave . But i kept having this faith that if i take leave it might be the best opportunity for her to go to church because we can hang out until the concert . So i invited herand she said "lazy but can also la .. will let u know on SaturdaY".

And i prayed anxiously.. waited until this morning for an opportunity to ask her ... until she started a conversation ..

EH : Ei , i have replacement this Sunday at 12pm la .
Me ; What replacement?
EH : My JMC lo... Have to replace because parents can only come at this time
ME : (Face changed into disappointment) Huh .. (i kept silent for almost 5 min trying to cheer myself up)

EH then was busy talking to another friend of mine while i kept still swallowing my disappointment.After couple of minutes my friend left us for seminar and there only 2 of us .

Me ; Ei , why you have replacement on sun at 12pm?? Aren't you suppose to go church with me?
EH : AIyah , no choice la ... It wasn't my say coz the parents can only come at this time .
Me : Aiyah , then there's no point for u to come also coz you have to rush off to Klang (she works there) at 11+am... which the service haven't over.
EH : What time the service starts ?
Me : 10am
EH : over at ?
Me : 12pm ... which i dun think you can make it if you come ... sigh
EH : Hmm ..
Me : Nevermind la ... next time..

Then we changed topic and i pretended nothing happened.

I couldn't help but felt really disappointed ,heart broken and crushed . Yup that's how i felt even on the way home driving . I vented my frustration to God , hoping some good news this weekbecause it's my best chance . I asked the famous ques

WHY!?

THen i didn't want to think negatively anymore and prayed that God will keep me faithful andpositive in this process... believing she'll go with me to church one day! But now if i tell youi'm fine and all 110% faithful i'm totally lying . Then i realise i can't do this alone . I needmore prayers , i need ppl to help me pray , while i do this . I need God's armour to bring this lost soul into His kingdom . I thought why God do this .. i've already sacrificed my work , tookleave hoping she could follow me to church but it turned out this way .
Now as i write you know what .. I shouldn't think of how God should repay my sacrifice because it is too selfish . Once again , u see... i'm a selfish person . I often think of how God cando mighty things in return for my sacrifice . So that's probably why He didn't open this door this time . Well , now i understand ... i should just shut my doubts and do it by faith next time! THen again , to those of you reading this .. always remember to have Faith because Godfirst had faith in you .
No matter what , i'll still fly the flag of Jesus up high and continue to run this race for Himbecause i have a mission to accomplish now! Please pray with me folks ! Thanks!