Final

Final ? What's final ? Well to start off , i apologize for not updating my blog in years ! I've been very busy these last 2 weeks battling some real war within myself and my passion . Well maybe only some of my friends would know this current latest news but i guess everyone would've know about my "good" news regarding the Star Fund Scholarship Award to study music in UCSI . Then again , my pc goes k.o anytime from now , so i shall only provide conclusions .

First of all , i started college and this is my second week there in UCSI . I've been going through one hour traffic jams every morning before arriving college (YES! I DRIVE!!) and thank God for always providing angels to guard me and my car . Secondly , my schedule's not so tight though now i have to juggle between mon-fris' studying daytime , going to Ampang Point to observe a JMC class every thurs at 5+ pm , then teach on Sat and next month onwards on Sun after church.

What to complain ? I am happy and in need of working! Next , i must say my dad has paid my one semester tuition fee for RM 3000+ (which is suppose to be rm 5000+ coz the Star subsidized the rest) and this leaves me no choice but to complete my programe until at least August . So you must've gotten the clue .... I said this because it's FINAL ...

I've just turned down the Star Scholarship award and now i'm actually studying without any bondage from them . Yup so why did i turn it down since everyone was busy congratulating me ? Ok , it's a long story but i shall cut it short . Had some fued and disappointment with the way the Star people work and now i really despise that newspaper ... Don't trust them people !

The story starts like this .... In the scholarship agreement , they said clearly i can't have any employment outside means i can't work full or part time anywhere as long as i'm still in the College . Which is a problem for me because i have to work in Yamaha to sustain ... and so my bro in law adviced me to check this out with them and make sure things are clear before they find out somewhere in between my course and i have to pay them back all they give me with 2% interest . So i called this guy from the Star who's been liasing with me all these while and he surprisingly said ok , it's not a problem .

So when i went to Menara Star to return the signed agreement to them , i couldn't find the guy but spoke to another lady ... she told me a whole new set of different story that left me in tears walking out of the building and driving home . Yup i had no choice but to give up either one because it seems I CAN"T WORK AND STUDY! And so things made me very fed up and with more stories upcoming that i think it's better i safe it up next time coz i'm afraid for my pc's condition , the conclusion is this :

I CALLED THE LADY AND TOLD HER OFF AND SAID ;

"I APPRECIATE WHAT THE STAR HAS DONE FOR ME , BUT I HAVE DISCUSSED WITH MY PARENTS AND I'VE DECIDED NOT TO TAKE YOUR SCHOLARSHIP" .

And so yeah ... today is my second day studying without the scholarship award and strangely the college hasn't called me regarding my school fees that i'm suppose to top up if i don't accept hte scholarship . Hahahha we shall see ... anyway , since financially there'll be problems again and though my mum kept convincing me things will be OK once i continue studying in UCSI and not to worry about financial coz they'll try to help me out by squeezing here and there ... i'm still very sceptical because i don't want to study until the final year and find out i can't graduate coz i don't have enough cash! And so , while i was struggling with my emotions last weekend , i PRAISE GOD to the highest for His glory and MERCY on me that i could control my emotions well and still went teaching on Fri evening (first time teaching my private students) with soar eyes and had a great great enjoyable class on Sat in Ampang Pt with my kids!! THEY SANG SO LOUD FOR THE FIRST TIME LIKE GOD JUST STRIKE THEM WITH LIGHTNING!!!

And also not to forget , enjoyed a great nite out with mum and her best friend in Coffee Bean Sri Hartamas on Sat night coz of Mother's Day .. yeah obviously i paid the bill ... and erm , i'm just thinking now ... i have to start from scratch again .... the same question before i went for NTTP training in Yamaha :

Where should i study now? Continue in UCSI? or Transfer to Yamaha Academy ?? SHOULD I ?

I desperately need God's wisdom to tell me and true enough i want to Thank Him again for sending Ps Steve ATkins saying this on Sun :

"DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS AND BELIEVE YOUR BELIEFS "

I really want to doubt my doubts but i just don't understand why i refuse to study in UCSI though i've found some friends , start to adapt to the college lifestyle , a lot of music students there (really shocked to find that i have no place to sit during World Music and choir class!!!) , and better facilities , quite good lecturers , and the exact course i want to study (Contemporary music) . So why am i feeling itchy to want to transfer to Yamaha Academy ?? I don't know , if i go there i can't get a degree , i have to study classical music , it's still very far from ym house , i still have to go through traffic jams , and the only thing good is it's cheaper !

Dear Lord , HELP ME! Open my eyes and heart that I may know Your way! I trust and believe that whatever You've prepared for me and made me go through is according to Your plans and what comes out of a Good God is only Good THINGS . So God please strengthen my faith in You like sometimes I have , and help me use it without doubt . I pray that You will reveal my sins to me and let me know Your path You've carved for me . Jesus' name , Amen .