Horrible Weekend

I am left with 2 words . Disappointed and Dejected .

Great now that mum didn't subscribe CNN channel on ASstro i can't watch Diana Krall's interview .... aerrrrghhh!!

Ok bad days do come huh ... first i wanna give all glory to God He gave me a safe journey to Ampang Point yesterday , without Him i would'nt have make it to come home . And thanks mum for accompanying me the whole day though she was bored to death when i was at work . Besides that , i wanna also be glad that the kids are kinda starting to like me ... they started opening their golden mouths to sing and boy i think i'm enjoying myself even more teaching! But the horrible part is i released the kids 10 minutes early and after some comments from my boss , i tried not to finish early but i really couldn't . Until the worse part came , i read through my lesson plan before packing my bags i realised i forgot to teach them one subject which is a new thing for yesterday's lesson ! ARrrrrghhh if only i taught them that then i wouldn't stop on the dot . I was still humming and singing that song in the car and i totally flew past that subject and said "Goodbye" to them ~ now i gotta re-plan my lesson and they'll be very tight .

Ok next word . Dejected why ... i've never felt so dejected after coming back from organ class before ... since the last time i think was 2 years back ? When i couldn't perform up to my teacher's expectation for Gd 5 impro .. now look what i've done . I felt so stupid when i can't even write a simple 4 bar rhythm song out by ear . Just rhythm it'll take me ages to think it out!! Gosh ... we spent like the whole 1 hour just drilling my rhythm sense before i can actually listen to the melody and write it down .... IT's horrible ... i totally admit it .. i thought i had road blocks like usual sometimes when i faced this last week but this week it's not a road block ... it's actually one word : WEAK .

So yeah he's upset .... i'm upset ... and due to that , he actually said this out of frustration
"Hey how come this simple 1 bar melody takes u so long to write it out ? It's very simple only.."

And he added , kinda "OUCH" to me but i'm used to it
"Your rhythm sense is rather poor ... if you keep doing like this you're going to fail u know for exam ... "

And plus this , he made me giggle when i heard it
"Hmm ... how can i help you ? Oh ok i know ... blah blah blah blah ... ok ?"

I've never felt so stupid before in my life ... just simple stuffs and i can't even write it out . I hate road blocks ! WHY ??? I am so motivated and anxious to improve and hope that i'll be able to solve this problem so i can pass my exam in December but i know the other side of me is saying "HEY , you can't rush! It'll take time but you'll improve soon with more exercises". My inner voice sounds encouraging but i just want someone to comfort me ... i'm not going to cry in bed this time coz it's childish ... And oh , i practiced a little of melody singing just now after not doing it for some time , i sang like a frog ok! It was horrible !! I got all the pitch out .... sometimes i wonder how can i call myself a music teacher ? The one who passed NTTP with the highest marks ? Crap la .... I know that's the devil's voice but arrrghhh shut up la S.A.T.A.N ... God will tell me it's fine ... these are just small challenges i have to face to be better !

My point now : NOW I AM MORE ANXIOUS THAN BEFORE TO START COLLEGE
IN UCSI SOON!