Folks

yo folks ! i've been so long gone without updating my blog ... sigh sorry ... i don't know why , just didn't have the mood to do so though i come online these days . Not for long but i thought i needed more than 15 minutes to update my blog . (knowing how much i write)

anyway , life's been chillling these days .... ups and downs really applies a LOT now in me... i dunno why , but i shall ask that question because it's sensitive to God ... i shall only trust and believe what i believe and doubt my doubts . Then again , lately i've been clouded with doubts again . Somebody help me answer this ..

My mind has been flooded with thoughts regarding my career choice , studies pathway , and it's been flying everywhere each time i come to the crossroads of situation . Crossroads like , whenever i finish my piano class on wednesdays , i have this desire and satisfaction and joy after the class coz i learnt new things (though i kinda am struggling playing the piano but i'm starting to enjoy it now) , and will start asking myself if my choice to quit UCSI and move on to Yamaha Academy is right ... will i regret after that ? WHAT IF i really hate classical and i can't change my perception for that and will eventually cry for Monday blues again next yr ???

I hate those questions and i hate bloggin about this topic again and again ... but then again i won't know the answer until the experience starts just like how i won't know i enjoy teaching JMC after really starting it . How i won't know i will enjoy teaching as a career before starting it , how i won't know in the end i will have to go to Yamaha Academy to study when i actually said i won't go ... how funny life is .. i remember telling my organ teacher to just keep the Yamaha Academy course handout coz i don't think i'll need it coz i won't go study there . And now ? i'm asking ms Julie for the same copy ...

Anyway i'm out of topic . yeah so , i'm having doubts as to whether it's me playing mind games or the devil playing my mind ... God , pls pls pls strengthen me and let me know clearly that it's YOUR plan for me to go through this and what i chose was the path according to your will! I desperately need it ! So friends , pls pray for me for strength , wisdom and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit ok ... i really need God at this moment of time ... THanks

By the way , i had a great 6th June 2005 evening ! If any of you guys are aware , Rueben Morgan came down to Malaysia to have a worship night out in EFC PJ Heritage Centre that night!! describe the event in a word ;


A-W-E-S-O-M-E !

in an Aussie way of course ... ppl there love to use the word awesome . Not only Rueben Morgan himself was awesome , most importantly GOD WAS MORE THAN AWESOME!!!! I mean guys , can you believe it .. THE RUEBEN MORGAN OF HILLSONG AUS!!! The one who composed like 70% of their worship and praise songs !! Author of My Redeemer Lives , Eagles Wings , Still , This is My Desire , etc ... man the list never ends . He was really good .. it's so fortunate to be able to catch him worship leading live with 3 other band members that sounded like there were 20 of them playing an orchestra ! Can't describe ... i mean i don't worship him of course , but i'm really impressed and amazed at how God can use such a normal man to write so many wonderful songs for the Lord !!! I've always taken him as my inspiration since i began worship leading and thanks ya (you know who u are) for letting me know bout him coming down and buying the tickets for me ! U're cool!

and so i had a great nite as he sang all his old collection of songs while also promoting his new album World THrough Your Eyes (not too bad though i prefer his live worship album.. it's rather personal compared to congregational worship songs) . He has great stamina , led in his own style .. many things to learn from him but i'd rather like to learn from what God told me that night ....

God said this :

1) heard the song Still ? You're singing this last line that says I will Be Still , Know you Are God..
so who is this God ? Have you forgotten who is Your god ? Who's your God?

2) I said be Still and you will be fine ...

3) Be greatful ... look around you ... the ppl closest to you now (Janet basically , she was
standing next to me crying while worshipping) ... look at her , and look at yourself . Why are
you grumbling so much when there is someone who's worse than u ? Be greatful! At least
things have been drawn out for you but she is still seeking ... be greatful!

In conclusion , i've heard His msg to me clearly and i hope to apply it now ... which i find it really difficult and then i had this burden to pray for Janet and so i prayed for her hoping things will get better for her future .... (can't tell what's with her) Anyway , i thoroughly enjoyed my worship that night , i jumped like i missed doing it , i lifted up my hands as high as i could reaching God , and singing as loud as i used to when i worship led ... now u know what guys , i really really really miss worship leading and i believe i one day God will wan me to continue this ministry for Him coz i have this desire and burden now to go back to church and serve Him in worship again ... i dunno where to start for i've quit youth , and i can't do it on sundays since i can't go for practices .... sigh .. i dunno... it's just burning here but i dunno if it's really His will ...

Anyway , whatever it is ... i gotta stay up until 1 am later to wait for the start of the Canadian GP and i'm so excited , tired and sleepy at the same time ... coz Schumi starts from 2nd place!! Finally a front row!!! And Jenson Button's on pole ?? Hmmm .... bizzare .. yeah so whatever ... signing off ... hope i can wake up at 6 45 tmr and drive safely to college and won't screw up my Msian Studies quiz . Oh confession , i've been skipping more classes than i've had before in form 5 ... hmm bad habit , kids don't learn this from me!