FREAKING OUT

I just finished talking to my si fu over the phone ... We talked just about anything regarding our job ... from my problems to our Joint Graduation JMC Concert end of march to what to expect in SAC course ! (Gd 5! can you imagine!) ...

Now i wished i hadn't call her .. coz i wouldn't have to know that i need to do preparation for the concert .... hahahaha .. in other words , looks like i've found my arrangement work to do this semester;'s break . Tomorrow i think will tell C.H that i don't need a song to arrange because i might just need to arrange for my kids' graduation concert performances . BUt i'm thankful i did not go through this alone and God has provided someone to guide me ... someone old (ooops maybe not old , experienced should be the word) enough to be there for me ... time and again , right from the beginning of my teaching years .. until now ...

And instead of freaking out and sweating out the small stuffs ... (AS USUAL OF ME) i should be looking at the positive sides of it ...

1) At least i'm on holiday now and would have all the time in the world to prepare well for the concert

2) There's only 3 of them in the class so which means i don't have to crack my head to think much but rather just give them the important parts to show off

3) IT's a joint concert with my si fu which means i don't have to also crack my head to think of how many items i have to prepare for them to make the concert last for at least 1 hour or so with only 3 left

4) Thankfully she asked me this question first and which means there's still all the time to practice and prepare with the children in class

5) There's someone to guide me rather than letting me learn it through the hard way!

6) Isn't doing arrangement my cup of tea and what i really like ? So here's your best opporunity to get it going and practice it! The more you do the better you become... Start now even if it's your students' concert / performance!


Sigh... what is wrong with me ... i'm a Yamaha J-course teacher .. so i should be well prepared for all these at the first place and should've expected all these to happen ... at the first place . And when you think this is stressful and you start to sweat , it's just the beginning of more things to come when these children move up to NJXC course and so forth ... SIGH

I used to be very shy and ashamed of telling people that i don't want to teach for life ... but am not now , i went round telling Ah Phua and C.H i don't want to teach for life and Grace ... and people around .. parents ... blah blah .. and although initially teaching would be the last thing i'd do on earth although i know for sure i'm gonna major in Music long time ago ... but when i had no choice but to teach , i thought HEY it wasn't so bad after all . But when 2 years passed and when you get drop outs almost EVERY 6 months things start to heat up and the devil will just cleverly activate himself at taht time .

I don't know , i always blame the devil , but i've never thought of how God can use me in this ministry ... and how His glory is shown in this teaching ministry ... except the fact that i'm very fortunate to be provided with a "si fu" to help me along the way . Yeah maybe that's it . I think i have to stop thinking about how much i hate teaching and start embracing the job because i need to stick with that job until at least 1 year after i graduate to be able to find a proper job that i really like . And since teaching gives the most stable income , why not ?

I really didn't feel like writing about this at first , but got inspired after reading a quote from Jenson Button (HOnda F1 driver) referring to the new Mclaren F1 rookie Lewis Hamilton where everyone was looking highly up on him .. ya da-ya da... Button said this which caught my attention ,

"I f irst thought entering F1 was all about an easy and sweet life . It's NOT"

Although i did not know what to expect at first about teaching but i guess i'm sharing the same feeling with him now .. i don't expect exactly what he said , but i definitely didn't expect things will be that stressful . I guess no matter what you are and where you work , working will definitely have its challenges . So yeah , i'm still learning . And really HAVE A LOT TO learn ... The ironic thing is , i always look up to my si fu and often blame myself for not being a good teacher or at least posses half of her teaching qualities or so .. but then there's always this inner voice telling me

"Come on , what she has is 16 years of teaching experience and you don't! So give yourself a break!"

Then i'll be comforted .. i guess that's God telling me most of the time . SIgh ... i'm mad . Just as mad as Becky .. ahahahah .. in many ways . I need to rely on God's strength more and never underestimate the power of the name of Jesus .

Yeap , i need this :

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"