2 03am

2 03am .. basically tells the time of Monday 5th March 2007 .

I'm still siting at my lazy computer chair .. trying to enjoy my very last moment of term break ... coz tomorrow (or in about 12 hours time) my first official class in the new semester will start! Good news ? I don't know .. You tell me ...

I remember i was pretty all excited and hyped up before the semester started last time ... during my 1st sem break . I remember feeling all so excited about what's coming next , how much i will enjoy the busy schedule , how much i vowed to practice my Jazz piano so i can continously impress James ... how much i wanted to commit to learn as much as i can from C.H on the Electone .. how much i want to practice my musicianship skills to not disappoint Richard , how much i want to show the world i can do with God's help when i knew i couldn't do these things back then .

At this very moment .. the only reason i am looking forward to the new semester is because of my dearest "Mobiau" ensemble classmates ! Oh and also towards preparing for our EF ensemble. Nothing else .

I'm pretty bored and sick of the same routine we're gonna go through every semester ... doing either composition and essay for Workshop , analysing and attending lectures for Lect and Sem , doing the same darn thing about piano impro , getting unreasonable scolding and forgetting how much i like jazz in James' class , and most of all not having fun anymore in Unc CHarles' instrumental class. How sad can things be ... after Deanna's departure , another asset left and the next thing you know ... we're gone and the Academy will extinct . Honestly , even the 2 admin malay ladies said they want to pack and go after the 7 of us (my class) graduates next January!

But of course there's new things to look forward to . I heard being in Dip 3 thigns are pretty different than in the first 2 sems ... and more difficult and challenging . Plus we will be experiencing new lecturers we've not been taught before . So i hope things will change for the better . I guess i'm just disappointed at how things change when i'm still studying there ... the old are gone ... the new has to come . Hahahaha ...

Am listening to Still ... from the HOPE Hillsong album .. another one of Reuben Morgan's state of the art . Amazing guy ... it just reminds me of how we should just SHUT UP and let God take over . No matter how much you worry or sweat , you can only submit to Him and make sure you do your part . The rest God'll take care . He's not blind , deaf or dumb . He's Jesus CHRIST!

Today had a very big argument with one of student's dad ... about him owing me 3 months school fee... i've been very nice to him for the past 2 years and i think that's enough . When you acutally see your salary cut short by more than 70% you can die of haeart attack . And the shool admin told me it's time to take actions and be mean . SO i did ... and we've got some pretty bad impression from the parent . The worse thing is the dad not only realize his mistakes for owing us fees and sending his son late for class every time , he blames us for embarrsing him and not wanting to speak to me. He doesn't even allow me to speak ! So when i finally stopped him and talked nicely he gave up on us . (meaning the school admin and i) I just can't stand it when he uses JEsus CHrist's name to scold my school admin staff!

How can he curse her with God's name? How dare he ... whatever it is , i've done my full responsibilites as a teacher and i think i've done too much favour for people like these honestly. It's just amazing how you can meeet different kinds of people when u come out to work . =)

Ok i got too carried away . Was suppose to talk about my college . End up getting mixed with work . ARRGHHH! Soemtimes i feel i'm leading a double life . Which is pretty confusing and taxing! Whenever i go to work i feel like i'm a baby and a small girl (that's what loretta calls me!) but whenever i'm in college at least i feel more at home and more myself . The usual youthful enthusiastic energetic Lily Tan! Hahahha .... so in conclusion i enjoy studying more .

Sis told me that if given a chance i can study my whole life and won't graduate . I said TRUE coz i am those person that makes sure i enjoy every single study life of mine . Since i was in primary school till now . Except the Sedaya case la .. that was exceptional . But i only have 1 more final year remaining before i call it quits from studying full time . So i better stop whining and fretting and start enjoying every process i go through !

Eden's new resolution this year is ,

"Less fretting , more Praises!"

Am adopting that too .. coz i realized sometimes my mouth moves extremely fast that it did not pass through the brain cells before coming out . And whenever it came out wrongly i will start to regret that for the next 2 days at least !

It's 2 28am now .. am not sleeping coz i only have 1 class tomorrow which frustrates me a lot! ENGLISH ! Arrrghhh .. at 3pm some more! NO i actually have another "Exciting" class which is Instrumental Ensemble .. arrrghh we'll work on changing the time back to Thurs night so that we don't have to stay back for 2 nights in a week .

Whatever it is . I don't have to wake up early tomorrow so i can linger around as long as i want to .. i think i just miss God a lot . I miss worshipping Him in the room alone with the lights off.. i miss writing songs for Him .. (read my old blog posts and noticed i wrote a lot of songs for Him last time) how come it's decreasing when i'm majoring in music now!? rubbish ... i missed serving Him most of all ... in church .

God ! I"M HUNGER FOR YOU!