Breather...

I guess only God knows what's best for me right now. A break and i truly have my break. No actually i do'nt even deserve a break after what happened on stage on Friday. suck.. What is done is done .. i better stop sulking over it , before i get more caning. So anyway , since everyone was posting aobut EF let's hear it a little from my side.

So , Friday 8th May was the Regional Audition of the EF 2009 ... yea EF again .... the past week preparing for the Friday was truly a nightmare but thankfully i pulled through it (I HAD TO ANYWAY!) and by Monday all was settled and i could go for Joshua Redman's concert in peace. Oh we'll talk about Joshua's concert later ... hehehehe what an inspiration. So back to EF , yes thurs night i still went to Sonata and did my final practice and went home to rest early. Suprisingly i couldn't really sleep until it was almost 12 + am.... i dozed off and woke up dozed off and woke up. Must be excited .... yea i miss the competition kind of feeling.

I woke up a little earlier and warmed my hands up on the piano with some altered scales .. and by the time i got to KJ i saw a pleasant suprise at the car park. Uncle Charles ! He was chatting with eng hui , and another Roland colleague .. .so i stopped to chat with him as well , and when he found out i was in the competition already the first question ,

"YOU AGAIN?!"

Okaaay i knew this was coming .... BUT didn't know it was going to take such a toll on myself... until i walked up to the hall ... Ms Soo at the registration counter ,

"Aiyah what is this to you man .. sap sap sui la .. only regional audition!"

OKAAAY that's no good ...then i proceeded to the toilet , i saw Helen (Celestine's teacher) she said ,

"You again ? heheheh ... so what surprise are you going to give us now ? Your song is nice eh.."

Goooshhhhh ... by that time i wanted to hide my face already ... I walked around waiting and practiced few times in Haydn .... last chord was no good , didn't know why i suddenly slipped there .. nevertheless i knew last practies like that won't do me any good so i just heck it. I USUALLY won't practice already by the morning .... but i know this piece needs a lot of warm ups so my fingers are relaxed then i can play those running notes. By the time it was my turn to soundcheck , i went up stage while the uncle was fixing the backdrop ... i was the first ... so i saw the Stagea power was off .. .then Kenny came by and checked as well.. short circuit it seems. So he joked ,

"You see you're so powerful . You come on stage only no more electricity ! You absorbed all!"

I quickly denied it and thought OKAAAY NOT ANOTHER ONE ?!?!? By that time i felt the pressure was mounting on my shoulders like i was going to drown ... so anyway i still played my piece but without full strength , and landed the last chord WRONGLY again! Somethin'gs wrong i thought ... but nevertheless walked off after my 8 minutes... and by the time it was competition the 3 of us , myself angela and Ron were standing at the corridor feeling oh so nervous and scared. This kind of pressure is so different from those i experienced in Jakarta.


The funny thing is i balloted the same Number 1 again as i did last year .. and i thought how funny the cycle is really repeating itself. Hahhaa .... so it's ok i went up first and by the time i sat on stage i played my first few notes with the trumpet sound but it turned out nO GOOD and i thuoght OK NO GOOD .. i gotta relax ! Tried again next one , ahh much better ... then moved on to play the whole song looking as confidently as i could .. by the time the last chord came AGAIN THE SAME STUMBLE happened ! I THOUGHT SHIT !!! Now people won't know i ended ! And it truly was ... no one clapped , until i took out my pendrive ... i was like OKKAAYYY this is really bad ....

Next was Angela up on stage.... i was cursing at the back of the stage while others were trying to pay attention to Angela's ... she was unsteady but nevertheless covered her mistakes and pulled through another performance. What a dramatic day for us ... she came crying while i comforted her and at the same time trying to hide away my disappointment and swallowed all i could behind me first. Ron though was the most steady one and kudos to him. We'll see what happens next ok ? Good job.

I knew my performance was a disappointment not only to myself ... but also to C.H ... you should see how sarcastic he was commenting on my performance during the intermission ... in public! What a day , i thought .... i am not the kind of person who'd go on stage feeling so not good aobut this .... and that only proves i've got so much more to work on.... Eerth was meant to be easy to play, at least a couple of months back it WAS .. but now all of a sudden i felt it slipping away from my palms. What a pain ..

I have high expectations , yes but i also have limitations. This year is not the same anymore and i cannot always think it's going to be the same kind of fun and same kind of level of performance. If i want to produce the same kind of nemesis i had with Cypher i know i will need to put in much much more effort. Friday was a very good experience that probably God wants to show me that i need to buckle up again and losing my electone hands is also a new kind of pressure i have to cope with. Behind the performance on stage, there's a lot for me to cope with as well and i am learning and learning .

By the time it was over , i had a good time watching Wolverine with Eden .. then i really thought i need a break . But with so much going on , the next day is a public holiday and thankfully i didn't have to teach . So i spent the whole day practising my jazz again .. i've been unexpectedly on a short break from my audition pieces and now it's time to get back to Very Early. Monday i have class ! So just when i stayed at home now i'm caught with fever . And today i tried to steal anytime available for me to practice here and there .. but i just can't get Ceora right YET ... sometimes it works sometimes the solo's doesn't work just as nice as i want it to be.

Then i kept having this thought that time is running out ... i stil lhaven't polish up Black Nile in case tomorrow we're gonna rehearse with the guys .. suddenly mom asked to go Jusco . So fine we went , i took a break there ... with my f ever still going on .. after coming back from teaching.. and mun wei sms-ed saying i am only human and i have to stop expecting perfections from myself otherwise i'm torturing God's temple ... yes true.

I went home , pulled myself and practiced through Black Nile a little bit ... gosh almost forgotten my solo's ! then stumbled and fell to the bed already . Had a nice sleep ....and woke up couldn't stand it ... sat down to watch F1 .. i have forgotten how to enjoy a good race , i've forgotten my second passion was F1 and now i need to regain it back. I've been so busy that music is overtaking that! Nevertheless was a good race , cheerios to Brawn GP they deserved a well 1-2 victory . Embarrassment to Ferrari who made Felipe lose 2 places just to save fuel ! DAMN them.

Anyway then i came online , thinking i want to sleep after this and wake up tomorrow to try my very last shot on my jazz pieces before class ... but was a little worried cher didn't reply my sms this afternoon. Heard from teck he's going overseas this week but not sure of the details ... so suddenly i just tried my luck to see if i could bump into him on facebook and so i did ! =) We spoke and tomorrow no class... and now i can breathe a sigh of relief actually. I think God really knows i need this now . And so i've got more time to really make sure i'm satisfied with my audition pieces.

Actually yes you can say i'd be blaming everyone else for the stress and pressure , and i think i have to be blamed for blaming people .. but nevertheless i need to re-check what's my main aim and purpose of doing this now. If not to glorify God then what for ? The process is going to be even tougher but i'm gonna endure it. God is with me . He promised He'll strengthen me... and i know He will. Despite all these stresses and pressure , i still have to Thank GOD for new support i gain this year ! Never expect Richard to be cheering and "scolding" me at the same time . .ahahhaha love you. And to Chee Meng , thanks for the good luck email ! To Cher , i'll tell you more when i see you ok!

God is good , and He is GOOD all the time. Ok , tomorrow i gotta finish the YYO arrangment .. DAMN the Indiana Jones .... GOOSHH!