Pondering Thoughts ....

Yesterday , 29 January 2005 I finally did it . I finally voiced out what was in my heart to the church , to Pastor Ronnie and to the Youth of Vineyard Vessels , V2 . As a matter of fact , i didn't really wrote a lot of things about V2 , but definitely faithful readers here would've known that besides my selfishness and obsession (suitable term??) for music in life , V2 is playing a very BIG role in my life as a teenager . Or somewhat , a growing Christian soldier .

I finally took the time off to speak to Pastor Ronnie about my future , my plans and career in music that will most probably take my Saturdays off from youth and church . Which is already being confirmed starting Feb 14 , my training will include class observations on Saturdays as well . Taking a month off from youth next month onwards sounds easy to me , but thinking of the days after that it will actually most probably means "quit" .

As we sat down in the Sunday school room , i spoke to him regarding my Yamaha teaching career and my family situation at home that leaves me without a choice but to teach . Behind all the joy and happiness of me passing the audition and excitement of starting a new job , i'm actually gonna miss the time i spent in church and in youth on Saturdays . Pastor Ronnie's reaction was slightly serious and concerned for my future because being more than just a "boss" and pastor , he's more of like someone i can really really talk and trust to when i need someone . Though i hardly talk to him bout my troubles but he's really the best pastor i can hope for .

I know this sounds irresponsible because being one of the youth leaders I shouldn't just decide to put the Youth group aside for such reason . Infact when i was so busy looking and minggling around with C Church just months ago last year , I was actually thinking of quitting Vineyard church and just join them . My commitment was there often for V2 , faithfully serving Him in the worship ministry and as a secretary (though i'm sucky at writing minutes and not a good secretary!) . I wouldn't like to boast that my presence in V2 has been very very important and my 4 years there has been a difference to the youth , because at the first place it was God that made all the difference in me that shaped me to be who i am today .

Anyway , since i am continuing this post from yesterday night i don't really have much of a picture of what i really want to write already . It's ok , probably some songs will bring some inspiration to me . Alright , where was I ? When i take a look back at the past 4 years of my journey in V2 , things happened so fast that it's actually really amazing to me . Just being saved in Form 2 somewhere after my birthday , my spiritual life just grew and grew amazingly at a fast pace right before my 2 eyes . I mean , sometimes when i think of it i can't even believe it . Being a new Christian (i still consider myself to be one) , I attended youth regularly every Saturday , got pulled into serving God in backup vocals , then had this burning passion to play the piano for church and youth (which until today i don't know why it never seem to be happening but i did play once in a while) , then from backup vocals i was pulled to being a worship leader and since then my journey has never stopped . I still could remember things were just quite pathetic at times that I had to worship lead and play the piano!

One thing i must give God the highest praise is when I was actively seeking Him spiritually in my Christian life, I actually did something that I never thought I was able to . As a child and a growing teenager I lived in an environment that I never thought i could write a song until I started writing my first Christian song for the Lord . I believe that song came from Him because it just happened so naturally that when i was worshipping Him on my electone the chords and melody just came out from my mouth . And i thank God for people like John (my ex-guitarist) who cared to share some great ideas with me in the song . Tittled Revive Me , it was sang in the 2003 Youth Camp in Cameron Highlands .

Anyway , what's most important is the lessons i learnt throughout my trip to V2 every saturday . Though some days i go to youth i feel so not belonged there , but there's always something (which i believe is the HOly Ghost) stopping me from being discouraged easily to attend Youth . Honestly , i don't mix well with the young people there . Though i can really get nuts and have some nice conversations with the musicians and my ex-president , but when i look properly at the people there i can never say i have anyone that's really close to my heart now . The gladness of leaving Youth which was in my heart a couple of days ago has turned so sour when i was walking in the midst of the crowd in Mid-Valley while waiting for my sister on saturday evening .

Being a very fickle minded person , i just love to search my thoughts and ponder about it sometimes . When we had a music ministry meeting just after youth that day , my heart was so burderned with the message that i must convey to the musicians because they were actually talking and discussing how to improve and what aspects we can serve God more effectively in worship . I had no choice but felt the urge to let them know my plans and now it's another extra prayer that God should send them a male and female vocalist . Sigh , is what i can only say . This saturday is probably my last time attending youth , but whatever it is i'll never want to look back and regret my decisions once i move on .

If God's destiny for me is not to take over the Music Ministry , then now i am starting to believe that He has a better plan for me . Why say this ? Let me start by saying that I had this ambition of wanting to be the Music Co-ordinator long ago even when my ex-president used to be around . Now that she's leaving for Australia on Feb , some modifications were done and Pastor Ronnie wanted me to take over . The funny thing is , when we had a combined service with a church last year , the invited speaker prayed for the music team when i left the church already . He prophesied that my drummer will be the next leader of the music ministry . So if God were to say I'm the leader then He's contradicting Himself . So i guess now it's not even a contradiction anymore because I really believe that God wants her to be the leader by the way she trains the musicians now and the enthusiasm and passion she has for God now . To V2 , I wish you guys all the best . I'll miss those times i serve in the worship team , i'll miss those crazy moments i spent with the worship team crapping and jamming , i'll miss those Cell Group session with PHATS (you know whow you are!) , and i'll miss those conversation i have with the boys ! =) To Pastor Ronnie , i'm looking forward to see how your vision will come true and how God will continue to give you strength to lead the young people in V2 and also though I won't be the fortunate one to witness and work with you to achieve your year 2008 Goals , i'll always be rooting you! =) To Leon (current president) and the committee of 2005 , I wish you guys all the best and work well with each other thus continue to keep the flag of Jesus up high!YADDA!

Now when I look back , i really like the fact that God's plans for people i mean each and every single individual is really specific and cool . I now start to understand why I was exempted from NS , to be able to join this audition and start working ! I now understand why God didn't say to me personally why I will take over the music ministry one day because it's not for me after all! hahahahha ..... Alright , now do you believe in the miracles of our Lord Jesus Christ ? I love Him even more after attending today's CBN CF (went back to visit the gurls and Mrs See Tho) after watching this short but very touching story of a couple who had to battle through cancer and still be able to live an impactful life for Jesus . God uses people in very different ways and though probably mine won't be such extreme extent , but who knows ... Things happened so fast that I feel as a human i'm so small and little .

Dear Lord , YOU ARE THE BEST AND THE GREATEST ONE OF ALL !!!