Where Should I StarT ??? Happy 2005??

Hello folks .... today's 1 00 am exactly on 10 January 2005 ... wow , 10 days into the year 2005 already and I've not been blogging for ages! So sorry ya people ...hahaha , now this reminds me of what becky said "it's strange but you actually come online lesser than before SPM" . Hahahha why ? I'm busy i guess ... with what , i'm not sure . Many things ,but one's for sure .... playing my "baby" Electone ! ahahhahaha .. too excited with the Yoshihiro Andoh books that i just realised i've got so many new songs to learn!

Ohh ohh better not get too carried away ... alright anyway , where should i start ? Practically this is a very challenging question ... for the past few weeks after Christmas , i've been severely busy with my Undang test , YAY!! I PASSED!!! THANK GOD !!!! oh and also busy .... Yah , definitely spending more time on my electone day till night ... and nowadays into midnite but with my headphone attached to my ears ... and also emm , hanging around in Hem's house for few nights or at least over the weekends , playing with my nieces ... hey i'm starting to develop the love for children ... or rather , BABIES!

Oh and ya ... very very VERY BUSY debating and arguing and fighting with my old man (dad) about the million dollar question "WHY ON EARTH WILL I WANT TO FURTHER MY STUDIES IN MUSIC" . It's so weird that after so many darn long days or months , he finally realised the cost of studying music in ICOM that'll actually take his "life saving money working as a government servant for the past so-called 36 years" . Yup i admit , studying music in ICOM is indeed expensive , but now he wants to argue on my difficulty in returning the bank loan after graduation 4 years later . Oh that question is just so LAME because he never and will never understand how much a music instructor (the least and most secured job i can do after that) earns for living .

Then he goes around buggin the whole world about it , making a big fuss in front of my aunt and uncle , bro in-law (just got a good lecture from Eric ko-ko that day ... Good for hiM!) , etc etc ... I don't understand what's in my dad's head , but certainly one thing's for sure . He ain't have the resources , and he's expecting the whole world to enter either Form 6 or TAR COllege . Good idea rite ? Too bad i'm not interested in it . When mum placed me to learn electone when i was 9 , he should've been prepared that i might want to take music as my rice bowl earning in the future . HAH , talking about raising kids ... Please don't get me wrong people , i'm not doubting about the way my parents raise me up , but indeed they've managed to raise all 4 of us up well and in fact they're very very caring and love me very much in many ways .... but sometimes , they just don't know how to express themselves in a way that would practice diplomacy as well as in a non-selfish way . Come to think of it , if he doesn't love me he wouldn't have bought me the EL-500 that cost about 20k (I MEAN rm20,000!!!!) and been paying my fees without complaining all these years .

One thing i just cannot stand , is his perception of how unlawful and how pathetic a musician would be as a profession .... how he told me that i've wasted all my years in high school and taking SPM , in the science stream , how he said that i won't use my brain , mentality and talent if i pursue music ... wow "HOW TRUE" .... That was hurtful , and though i've casted it to God but i want to remind people here that music is not and i mean 110% NOT for DOWN SYNDROME or RETARDED HUMAN .... Tell me about convincing your kids not to study what he/she intends to .. with words like these ? I'll leave him to God to judge .... Well , he's spoken to me many times about this issue and every single time we talk (or rather argue) about this , it just gets into my nerves and to me it's mental torture . I decided to seek help , and to Mr Phua i went .....

Hahahhaa i remember having World War III with my dad in the room and tears just rolled down my cheeks (FINALLY!!!) when he said music was as if for 'cacat' people only , i was actually sms-ing Mr Phua about this prob . He was advising me on the other hand while i was busy arguing on this side . One thing's strange and i think it's God's strength in me ... whenever i go through all the bad times , it'll happen during my "aunty visit" time of the month , which brings more tears and emotion than usual ..... But this time it happened again during my aunty visit , but guess what ... not even a drop of tears came except for just when he said he would not pay a single cent if i still insist on studying music . The tears just went dry immediately after i talked bout the bank loan ,just about 5 mintues after that . I didn't sob and cry like i was when i had the Berklee issue or when the NS issue or the last lesson with Mr Phua issue ...

oh Anyway , where was i ... yeah seeked Mr Phua and he turned out to be my financial planner instead ... ahahhaha , had a chat with him during my usual Sunday class but this time i just went there to talk . No lesson . We had a fruitful conversation , and he convinced me even more of what i really would be like in the future . Teaching he said , was what most Malaysian musicians do after further studies but that means you'll do pretty well in terms of wages . That is IF i like teaching .... well , to cut it short . He thinks i should go for the New Teachers' Training Program in Yamaha Music and yeap ... start giving lessons when i'm through .... I called Kit from ICOM to cancel my Jan intake and told him i'll start in July ... (which seems very unlikely now) and yeah i have almost a year or 6 months minimum break until i start school again .

Unlike my peers , many have started college and listening to them ,i feel like "hey you! Stop complaining about studying and all ok , there's someone here who's dying and longing to study but no chance given YET and you who's provided everything complains about it!!" . Yeah we both are studying different courses , but hey ! I am dying to study !!! Last week Hem came to my house and suggested that I study A-Levels first and instead of taking Science i should switch to Art stream taking subjects like Lit In Eng , History , Law (whatever) or anything that gives me a chance to do Broadcasting in the future should i decide i don't like teaching music . Studying braodcasting means i don't get to study music directly , but her idea seems fine if i get to get in touch with the tv station and compose some jingles , do some production job behind the scenes without a music paper qualification .

THat plan sounds good because in the meantime when i'm doing A-Levels i can teach electone part time , and continue learning electone from Mr Phua , and other teachers he recommended me to . So that was the plan until i went to PWTC EduFAir today ..... Yes i did checked out the A-Levels courses around , but seems like only KDU has the courses i want for A-Levels .... too bad it's expensive la .... (oh and of course can't stand your face there Yingks!! hahahah) Yamaha Academy of Arts and Music was the first booth i went to and yeap ... talked to the student there and surprised to hear i could get PTPN Loan for the Diploma there . Yamaha was my worse come to worse choice coz of financial difficulties , and moreover i still get a Diploma rather than nothing . Oh and guess what , UCSI booth was the last i visitied and the longest i stopped . Managed to talk to one of the lecturer there and it was too little to say "fruitful" . It was more than that .... We spoke on so many things that poor Jan and Jess waited so long for me! hHahahha ....

I would not want to go details on what we spoke , but basically if Sedaya is really developing like what he promised me and what it really looks like going to be in their new Taman Connaught campus , i wouldn't be surprise it'll be another LimKokWing Uni next time . Oh you guys should check out LimKokWing booth!!!! Soooo astonishing ..... they actually had a big portion in the centre part of the hall , with a plasma tv , black sofas for people to sit , a high bar like counter , not discounting tables and chairs for counselling , and many staff with all-black clothes (LimKokWing trademark now) and oh of course ... promoting their new Diploma In Hair Design course , 2 black manequinn with purple and red hair!!! EEUUUU ... hahahaha .... talking about established college in M'sia , this is what you call World Class ... ahhaahha the money you pay to study there is world class too ..... oh what the heck , will pay a visit to their new Cyberjaya uni soon anyway .. let's see if i'm still open to Graphic Design for my future .

So all in all ,conclusion is .... my options are forced to kept open until at least the month of April / May or so .... i'm not rushing for i still will keep myself occupied with music lessons , the music audition this Wednesday (PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!) , and my driving license to take . OH ya , considering the fact that i didn't have the time to learn Fundamental 5 subjects , Mr Phua made a blunt remark he doesn't think i'd be able to pass the audition this wed . Regardless , he asked me to still try and who knows ..... if there's no Melody Singing , hallelujah!!! Haahhah it's OK , i'll just try my best and see what God has instore for me . It's nice to be able to believe in the almighty and know that God is behind everything you do in life .... times when you're in the sinkable sea , you know that even u sink you will go Heaven and enjoy Eternal Life with Jesus ... an even better option! So ... folks , i'm keeping my flag flying high and options open and hopes wide .... I know God has spoken to me many times before this about my issue ... but they're all indirectly which to me , challenges my FAiTH in Him even more .

I will not question God's ways of handling my situation now , because i know in the midst of this i realised that there are so many people supporting and worried about me . My family , my sisters , bro in laws , mom especially , dad more so overly (ahahh) , my friends , it has become everyone's problem suddenly !!! Even my electone teacher was concerned , otherwise he wouldn't have offered the long advise! My friends , thanks so much for the encouragement and ears that you've offered .... the time you took to ponder for me , i know who you are thanks ya .. Really appreciate that .... =) I've become so touched that i don't want to see the negative side in this matter but so much so i want to look at the amount of people behind my back in this . Though they can't help me financially , but they do help me a lot morally! THANKS GUYS!!!! So see folks , there's always a pot of gold after the rainbow and a rainbow after the storm .

Aww this post has become too long for you to read .... but its' Ok , i love writing my feelings and oh ya , do stay tuned from time to time update especially how this Wednesday will go ... It's 1 47am now , time to sign out . Ciaoz