Frustration Beheaded Me

Well , I know i haven't been bloggin for some time now .. I don't know why , i've been going online but somehow i need mood to blog and type about my feelings . It's been SPM , yeah i've been studying and somehow surprised by the somewhat sheer concentration i could manage in the midst of all these rubbish i've been facing lately . THANK YOU GOD!

I just came back from Hem's house after a short stay last night , watching The Terminal (boy what a stupid Steven Spielberg film that i couldn't believe i stayed up till 2 am to watch that!) Anyway , cut the crap ... I received a perculiar call by Neh (eldest sis) concerning some very stupid small issue that got me bombarding her . I know sometimes i'm very rude the elderly , especially family members but I just can't help being patient to these "i'm teaching you not to make other people's lives miserable" thingey ...

The call triggered my anger and frustration though , coz I broke out the news that the phone call to National Service Dept confirmed my status to get into the 1st batch of trainees and posted to Miri , Sarawak campsite . You know what , i haven't receive the confirmation letter and I just called up to check ... so I won't dare to confirm anything without receiving the black and white information . By the way , my sister asked me why i didn't want to transfer camp to West Malaysia when I know i've gotta go to Sarawak , which will trouble my parents to go and pick me back to KL when there's festive holidays .

OK rationaly , if so happen i got into the 1st batch , which means i'll only have 1 week to enjoy my holidays after SPM then i've gotta leave for my birthplace (though Miri is not where I come from , but at least it's in the same state!) And i've gotta come back on one of the days from 19-24th Dec for my organ exam . Then what about Christmas ? Do i get to fly back ? then there's New Year (which i doubt we have hols) , then Chinese New Year that'll defintely allow us back home . So this is the tricky part. My parents will have to fly to East M'sia to pick me back and that'll cause them trouble , UNNECASSARY trouble it seems . (ooops , everyone's in my room now and let's see.. i gotta be REALLY CAFEFUL to blog)

Even yesterday afternoon when we were back in grandma's place in KKB (kuala kubu bahru) , I joked on travelling to Mount Kinabalu to have a good nice adventurous climb in case no one wants to take me back to KL . And the response I get from mum , WASN"T very encouraging ... Yes i'm a handicapped person who doens't enter the kitchen , doesn't do housework(I only love to clean up my own stuffs , though .. ahhaha) and often is called the "umbrella-girl" during sun shine or rain in school . So conclusion ? I'm being looked down upon my adventurous side . FINE , that may be true ,but why can't i just change a little for the better ? WHY NOT ?

I got angry and told mum if they really don't want to take me back , then IT"S OK .... I'll just stay over there and celebrate Chinese New Year and Christmas (if i have to) with teh Orang Asli's and new friends there . Anyway , today's phone call heated my situation as I was very harsh and started raising my voice to my sis. She even remarked at saying "why don't you ask dad to help you do the procedure to transfer to KKB? He always say he's very BIG wat" Emm , in case you don't know , my dad likes to boast about his stupid government service and etc etc . I told my sis if dad was to be SO BIG , he would've been able to do something to allow me to forfeit this dumb NS programe in the first place ! Why all the trouble ?

I'm trying to believe the best out of the worse , in fact i'm seeing this HALF GLASS FULL ... you know , i'm no more negative about NS ... in fact when i know i got posted to Sarawak , i'm happy! Hahahahha in a way .. i get to go back my birthplace when i wanted to for such a long time ago but often looses the chance . Now that i get to go back there for 3 long months and for free! Ya i don't get to tour around , but hey ... it's Sarawak! I'm looking forward to getting out of this darn house and staying in a different environment with just making new friends and learning some survival skills ... WHY NOT ?? Suddenly , my thoughts are deep with what Pas Daniel spoke on sunday ... He gave a story about how a father to a child would often tell the neighbour when the child and the family is in bad times this , "HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THIS IS A BAD THING?"

That's very true .... Now i want to tell my family (except for Hem and Ger) this ... HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THIS IS A BAD THING ? gosh stop looking at the negative side of things and start looking for the pot of gold after the rainbow! Ok i'm not suppose to judge , so im' sorry god ... I shall repent tonight and try to forgive these people ... You know , during the Berklee issue it was like that too .. .Mum just can't talk to me straight in the face , and must use the whole world to speak to me . What is the problem ? I don't know ...

Dear God , just help me to forgive and forget .. and never look miserable more than a day because of these unnecassary remarks and behaviour . Help me to look at things in a brighter way , without being trashed and effected by the Devil's power