The Uncertainties of Journeing through what we call "L-I-F-E"

Yup i promised to write right after my audition today in Kelana Jaya .... well , what can i say .. not that i sucked in it , in fact i thank God from the bottom and utmost part of me that He really sent Angels to sing through me!! ahahahha .... my melody singing indeed was terrible , but then the singing with acompaniement turned out quite OK . Oh and the best part was when the guy wanted me to sing some nursery rhyme songs! Hahhah i chose Twinkle Twinkle Little Star , and he made me sing London Bridge too! hahhhaha though it was in F maj and G maj , it was quite high but was fun for me! Still can't believe it!The rest of the tests were fine , in fact quite good except for the sight reading where i added extra "sharps" for them towards the end which was caught well and enough . Anyway , life has turned out to be definitely almost 360 degrees different since i graduate from CBN in DEc 2004 ....

Since the end of SPM , and after being so certain of what was in front of me ... things began to change , and turn piece by piece ... from Plan A i had to switch to Plan B , and from Plan B i began to turn to Plan C ... and look , after going through the audition today i realise i might have to switch to Plan D . While everyone out there is so concerned of the tsunami victims , the fall and rise of the earth's tectonic plats and impact of mother nature ... i am indeed very worried and anxious about what's ahead of my journey called "L-I-F-E" .

When becky wrote bout how she missed school ... i trully cherish those times we enjoyed in school too ... the time we spent together joking and crapping in class , busy with various activities and the urge for me to look forward to go home every 1330 pm that no one could catch me right after the last bell rang . As a look back to probably just 5 months ago , we don't even appreciate what was in front of us ... a good school (though i never admit ,but now i trully acknowledge the fact i was in a good school!) , great friends , awesome dicipline cum time management training , and of course some skillful teachers hard to forget ....

Today as i sit here on January 13 , 1243 am ... i am still uncertain what is in the undergrowth for me ... at one point when i was so certain of starting school in ICOM last week ... i turned out to only change to plan B . Now that i thought i was certain of getting to study what i'm passionate about , things just come about that i'd probably have to conform to the old man . Days pass by and when i was so busy calling companies for part time jobs and even went for interviews that were suppose to get me a job for at least rm 650 per month , i turned it down last minute to only find out that i'd have to go for the Yamaha audition today to decide .... see ? talking bout the complexity of life (though i dun really think the word complex is suitable but to me , it's probably just emmm challenging) .

Oh then after attending the audition today , i was dumb founded that i would probably NOT be selected to go for the New Teachers' Traning Program NOT because of my musical skills , but probably because of me unable to fulfill their 2 year contract . Which this contract deal i am pretty UNAWARE of before attending this ... no one told me , definitely not Mr Phua . I am pretty sure i have a 50-50% chance to pass this audition , because they'd probably pass me and let me think over whether to teach full time / choose to further my studies . Then where on earth was all those part time teaching terms ?? Free lance work ? i am not so sure now , coz probably they were not telling me the real condition or just wanting to test my responsibility as a candidate . And moreover to them , I'm VERY YOUNG .

Oh now that i'm so not sure of teaching music as my FULL TIME job , i'd better reconsider ... because if they were to offer me a bondage of full time commitment for 2 yrs and further , i'd better further my option to study A-Levels and come out to see what scholarships has in store for me . Nevertheless i'll never give up , because i'll still talk to Mr Phua and ask him for more details regarding this matter . I know by God's grace and strength , i can do all things but just a while ago becky sent me this sms saying "sometimes God has to delay His works to fulfill His purpose in ur life" . That sms came pretty acurate and because of this , i'll hang on to His works that He has for me . Things are still very bleak and uncertain for me now ... i'd probably have to come out with Plan E soon , which is to study A-levels really well and get a good result to only decide if i want to study music full time .

If i really like teaching music , hey who knows i'd probably be teaching my friends' kids in 15 years time! hahaahhaa ... My dreams are pretty far away now that i've gotta learn to go through it the more challenging way , but to me the challenging way might not seem a bad idea . Who knows if music is really for me , but God wants me to go through it this way for me to appreciate my journey of "L-I-F-E" even more .

Dear God , though my future seems bleak and things uncertain .. i pray that by Your grace and strength You'd send Angels and Your Holy Spirit to guard and watch over my heart .... So that i'd be continuously seeking You in any way and always depending on Your ways to lead my life. I pray also that You'd guide me in a way that I can always depend on , and strengthen my Faith in You so that i may see that You are God , and not me . Jesus' Name , AMEN .