Untittled dedication

First of all , i know he doesn't read this but i still want to post it :

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AH PHUA!!!
(just about 5 minutes belated ... arrgh)

I think i'm having some school blues . Just yesterday night i was typing about my excitement to go to school and start a life ... and today here i am , sitting here trying to stay awake and enjoy my last few days of freedom before being tied down by busy schedule . I'm absolutely excited , that's true and i really can't wait to complete my 2 yr diploma program . But then again , i'm too free to actually think of nonsense and denying myself here at home . And at work .

Just this afternoon after my short nap , i was awaken by my sis' phone call asking me to help her send an email . And so i took the time to go through becky's blog and read about her lately . Boy oh boy , she never changes and she still does feel the same about herself from since i knew her until now! ehhehehe girl , don't worry like i said . You're not alone ... i feel just the same inferiority as you are when it comes to music! Then i began to ponder about the things i write on my blog . They are just basically about my passion for music , music and music ... It seems to be scary. Though at times i do squash in a bit of God here and there coz He brings me life and that's where music comes from . As i read more about her , i start to think "Hey , how come you don't write about your feelings and stuffs!?"

I guess when i don't need to i don't . Just don't . Coz i only like to write about impactful stuffs .. Impactful things that happen in my life , that i think is really meaningful regardless what others think . Things like ...

My teacher . Ah-Phua . Know why i change the way i call him ? Coz from 22 February onwards , i no longer learn from him and thus our relationship kind of like grew more into friends or sister and brother . So to you out there ... here's one for you .

If i'm not mistaken , i knew i wrote about him somewhere this year and even dedicated one long post about him last year . How much he influenced me in my walk of life . And here is part of it from the previous post .

"I'm also sad because i won't be learning from my dearest teacher anymore starting next month . That's why i am actually counting down to the last few weeks i have learning from him . I will trully miss the learning experience i had with him , the lame jokes we share , the gossip we talk about others , the knowledge about other things we share , and most of all the charisma and dedication he showed all the time . Where to find someone like this ? Only God can send one .. THank you Jesus for sending him into my life ! He impacted my world! Well i'm even more sad when for the past few years after being a Christian i couldn't find an opportunity to share the gospel to him even once . I just couldn't have the courage to open my mouth to talk about it , but we did talk about death , life , and other teeny things related to God . But i never dare open my mouth to share with him . I just didn't know how , too afraid of what his reaction would be , too afraid of rejection . But my prayers will always be with him , hoping someday i'll meet him in heaven . Hoping along the way someone would share with gospel with him . Auf Wiedersehn Ah Phua! P ; S thanks for the whopper jr , it was nice of u!"


God is great huh ... He gives you good people in life to support you , slowly mould you into what you are today . As a follow up from the short post above , i want to continue writing about how i really felt . Just right after our last class on the 22nd feb , i sat down on my electone and continued practising my improvisation for the audition for several hours until my stomach growl at me . Just when i was eating dinner on the tv couch outside , suddenly a rush of emotions just drain into me . Maybe i was extra stressed , but when i was practising i didn't feel any sort of those depression or sadness . Only when i sat down to eat my dinner , did i suddenly feel depressed and upset . Upset because i didn't say a good farewell to him , upset because at our very last class i still had some disappointments to him , not able to play nicely for him , upset because he didn't even knew it was our last class until he checked his hp calender during the class, upset that until today i still ahven't seen him wearing the swatch watch i gave him last time , and upset that he lost one of my original electone disket and haven't found it!

I may sound childish , but i guess no one except God would understand how much he means to me . I mean no misunderstandings , but he really deserves all my respect and salute . Though he kinda watch me grow up , from this teeny weeny small girl who only speaks english but not mandarin and likes to only play fast songs ... to this teenage girl who only still speaks english , failed and passed her exams , who only loves to play jazz music , and won many honours at the Sonata Electone Festival since young , as well as scoring good results in SPM and coming out to become a Yamaha teacher now .

I still remember those days when i talked to him in class , i couldn't look up to him or when he talks to me i couldn't stare right into his face because i'd be so shy ... having a male teacher .. ahhahah but now things are so much more different . When he comes , we spend at least 15-20 minutes chatting about other things before officially starting lesson in my room . Or we just communicate through sms easily .

Not only that , when he wanted to leave M'sia and go to S'pore to start teaching when i thought i needed to serve in NS , he actually wanted to stop teaching me and asked me to learn from Pok . I'm a loyal person and since he's good i never thought that'll be a good idea ... In the end just in case things really have to turn out that way , i bought him a card and wrote so much to him that both pages were full to the brim! Oh still haven't counted the Swatch Watch i bought for him as a farewell gift then . I remembered writing a phrase in the card that i didn't know if it was good to be told or not ,

"i even cried for 3 full days thinking that you won't be teaching me anymore!"

I sound childish huh ? But it's what happened and i just thought of expressing myself since God created emotions for us . Those were the past , but now when i think of what happened the past 1 month ... what he done for me the past 1 month marked even more footprints in my life .

6 Feb : Yamaha Higher gd exam results were released , he took his Gd 4 results and he passed
with flying colours . We had a deal and because he couldn't afford shark fin he had to buy
me Whopper Jr as a celebration .

7 Feb : It was my turn to collect my Fundamental 5 results in Kajang and the scores were
much worse than i thought it would be . I was so depressed that i thought twice about
majoring in music for life .
He then sent me sms-s to encourage me and asked me not to give up . Explaining to me
that not everyone is born talented like others , and used himself as an example to
make me feel better . He just wanted me to know that i need to work harder .

15 Feb : He brought news about a possibility of me skipping Foundation year in Yamaha
Academy and go straight to Diploma with Pok's help and recommendation . I insisted on
going for the audition without anyone's help .

20 Feb : He sms-ed me to let me know that Pok will decide if i can go diploma or not . Gave me
valueble tips on what to practice for the ALL IMPORTANT AUDITION .

22 Feb : He came for our last class and we just recap whatever i need to prepare for the audition
for one last time . He made me felt like a loser again coz i kind of disappointed him in
the way i play my improvisation .

26 Feb : I still couldn't decide whwat song to play on my audition . He sms-ed me to advice me
to sleep early and wished me good luck . I asked his opinion and he gave some good
advice .

27 Feb : I went through the audition smoothly and told him all about it . He seemed happy and
replied saying taht it's my turn to buy him shark fin now . Hours later he sms-ed me
again telling me about what Pok commented on my performance during the audition .
On my last sms to him i bid him farewell , take care , god bless and would find him if i
ever have a chance to go S'pore .

3 Mar : I suddenly remembered that its his birthday . Wished him a good birthday wish though
he's in S'pore .


All in all , I'm just glad that God sent me another brother in law ... Really , i mean he's just like another bro in law to me ... plus Adrian and Eric ko-ko . Though now i won't see him anymore , i just somehow know that it's time to move on . I gotta move on from here , move on from this comfort zone and try new things . Explore different learning culture , from different person and experience a different influence again . This time , i'm moving on from Phua to Pok ... and it's for real . Starting just right next Tues .

So to Phua , may God bless you in every way . You are such a good person , a good man , a good teacher , probably the most patient man i've ever met in my life . Take care , and i pray that along the way you'd meet someone who can bring you and ur gf to come to know Jesus so i can see you in Heaven eternally! You must know the good news and enjoy the greatness of God! Take care and i hope if i ever get a chance to meet you again , it'll be you telling me that you're married , with how many children , and you've accepted Christ ! God bless ...