END OF SEMESTER!!!

Yo people .. i know it's been a long time i've ever wrote anything ... thanks for reminding me Hooi .. it was since MARch! HAhhaha 4 months ago ... i seriously had no time to actually draw inspiration from my brain to sit down here to pen down things ... coz once i want to write it'll take me so many words that i find it's a disadvantage when come to doing assignments! (My lecturer said i wrote too much at times that's she doesn't want grandma stories from me)

Anyway ... it's already 10th July today ... which means my Diploma 1 semester had ended coz today was the final exam paper !! But still the very last item on the list to go ... our end of semester concert :

"BACK TO BAROQUE"

Will post the poster here so whoever interested can come .... it's a collective effort put by us , the students of the Academy and lecturers to host a almost 2 hours concert ... together with the Yamaha Youth Orchestra (yeah a small orchestra) ... the concert items will be made up of choir singing by us , then some instrumental music played by the instrumental ensemble + YYO students (i'm one of them!) and the rest are solo performances by some senior students on the piano / electone .

Back to my life .... i'm glad by GOd's grace ... i sailed through this semester of hectic schedule , STRESS , HARDWORK , and sleepless nights ! THere were times that my studies were so packed that i had no time to sleep ... like when i had to do my music production assignment (did till 4 am once) , practiced electone (till 2 am) , rushed composition and other assignments (till 1+am) ... not mentioning my teaching practices i had to spare one hour in a week . sigh .. sometimes when i teach i don't have a totally good saturday with all my jmc classes coz i felt at times i suck at teaching on that day .. didn't practice enough ... so my work was compromised by studies and i don't want it to happen!

Though at times i was so busy i felt like i didn't spare time to spent with God ... i felt so guilty .. honestly , i've quit reading the bible at night ... doing my usual devotion .. then i haven't been worshipping in the room alone to Him a long time ... i usually will torture myself till i'm very very very sleepy till i couldn't take it only i'll go to bed ... so then i'll be too tired for God ... that's really bad .. but i've never felt He left me alone once ... coz though i'm so busy i dare to say He was part of all this ... part of giving me the strength , giving the GOOD HEALTH (i've never fallen terribly sick throughout this whole sem) , giving me blessed friends (thank u Lord for Eden , Hui Ting and Grace!!!) , great teachers and most of all family support .... He was all of this ... giving me the wisdom .. you know i never thought i could compose a full 4 minutes piece of music out ... but i did ... By God's wisdom .. though i don't personally like it very much (i knew i could do better but let's see what my marks say later) but when i let my ex-teacher Mr Phua heard he said it was nice . sigh ... my self-doubt AGAIN ..

Then i recalled a couple of moments (recently and last time) i had this terrible self-doubt about my ability in music . I doubted my abilities because i knew i wasn't good ... i am not good actually musically .. i lack in musicality , touch tone of the piano/electone , technique , and creativity . Most important i lack the musicality but what P.C.H said was right ..

"That's the whole point of you paying so much to come here and study! LEARN SLOWLY!!"

I guess you could call it peer pressure too ... especially when i talk to Grace (my senior who graduated and good friend now) .. she's so good ... musically ... sight reading , improvisation , hearing , feel of music , jazz piano , everything ! So the time i spend with her the more inferior i get .. and i always tell her about my self doubts but she'd shut me off saying i'm good too .. sigh ... Only God knows ... i know this is bad ... i shouldn't allow the Devil to play with my thoughts coz it's really gonna happen if i continue to talk to myself in this state of mind . I need Him!! not myself !

Anyway ... there's so much to talk about if i really want to pen it all down ... but all in all i'm having fun in the music industry though at times i felt super discouraged by the fact that i'm just not good in music but my passion drove me to it . And behind all this God helped me the most ... so i need to constantly remind myself that "He who is in me is greater than he who is of the world " .

See you on 15th July for the concert !